Ham of the Week

Here at Christian’s Basketball Rants, we’re committed to the promotion of basketball excellence and the mockery of underachievement and stupidity. While we try to maintain an optimistic outlook, especially in the midst of the incredible season we’re being treated to, some individuals and groups take it upon themselves to redefine general shittiness, both in their play on the court and their misadventures off of it. We truly believe these players deserve the attention they desperately crave, so while the league presents no award for continual incompetence, we proudly present the first 'Ham of the Month award', sponsored by Pervis Ellison and Eric Montross. [Considering this is our first one, some of these are long overdue -Ed.]


The Runners-Up:


The Chicago Bulls for their continual inability to boldly go where Atlanta and Philadelphia have gone before: the Eastern Conference playoff picture. Predicted by many to crack 50 wins this season, the Bulls’ athletic and potential-filled team has been stuck in reverse all year. They missed out on the Garnett and Gasol giveaways and recently turned their biggest financial investment since MJ into (drumroll please…) Larry Hughes and Drew Gooden. Fuck.


David Harrison for his outstanding efforts to repair the Indiana Pacers’ sullied image in the eyes of their basketball-crazed fans. Mr. Harrison’s achievements this month include a suspension for a third violation of the league’s substance abuse policy (hey, he plays on the Pacers, of course he needs to get high to keep things interesting), a publicly-uttered death threat towards Spurs forward Matt Bonner and subsequent post-game outburst that damaged the visitors’ locker room and left poor David with three stitches in his head.


Isiah Thomas/James Dolan/Stephon Marbury, etc. No explanation required. In fact, the risk of redundancy is the only reason why they’ve been spared this dubious honour.





So who’s managed to surpass these sub-par standards and claim the first Ham of the Month award?


Chris Wallace, not Biggie, the GM of the Memphis Grizzlies, who in one fell swoop traded his best player for arguably the biggest draft bust in NBA history, handed him to what was already one of the top teams in the conference, and now boasts the fearsome low-post rotation of Kwame Brown, Darko Milicic and Jason Collins. While the looming sale of the team almost certainly prompted the move, expiring contracts are usually bonuses, not centerpieces in deals involving all-star calibre players. Wallace not only went for what had to be one of his weakest offers, but made the mistake of dealing Gasol to a relatively young Western contender. His arrival all but ensures the Lakers will be yet another team Memphis will need to overcome in a few years if they can climb their way out of the conference cellar. Gregg Popovich’s lambasting of the deal was inflammatory but completely legitimate; Wallace undersold his best player to one of the best teams in his own conference, leaving Grizzlies fans to pray for off-season salvation and earning the inaugural Ham of the Month award.

-AJ